I am living without a man for the first time in my life. Only for a few weeks,mind, but it has already meant big adjustments. Sleeping with the TV on, for example, because the silence without it scares me. Not cooking when the children have already eaten elsewhere, as well - I just cannot get motivated to make meals for one. It's too depressing and a lot of effort for little gain.
It has been a challenging few weeks.
In some ways, though, it has been a good experience for me. Living alone. Well, not alone. There's the children, of course, but it is my job to comfort them and, sometimes, their presence only makes me feel more lonely. But it has been quite a revelation to me, not to have a man to turn to.
Organising the move into our new home was the first big thing I had to contend with. Then came relying on assistance from someone I know dislikes me because I can't drive myself. Followed by lifting, and lots of it. Asking for help. Painting walls with Jasmine. Plumbing in our washing machine. Finding a way to make Sonny's car work (it needed batteries). Fitting light bulbs and, later, lightshades. Organising Jasmine's birthday and party (which I couldn't have done without a LOT of assistance). Building a drum kit. Cleaning up sick, and poo. Identifying that the U bend in the kitchen was blocked, hence why the washing machine had filled with water and couldn't empty. Cleaning said U bend (not a pleasant job) and putting everything back together so the sink and washing machine can be used again. Viewing several primary schools and submitting our preferences for Jasmine to start next September. Measuring for curtains. Organising Christmas (hubby is a trained chef so at least sorted dinner every year). Putting together the PC and hi fi so that they actually work...
The list probably goes on and is on top of all the cooking, cleaning and admin that come with being a parent.
I am proud of myself. I have done things in the last few weeks that I had never attempted before, and it's gone ok. There's room for improvement, but I'm getting there. I have furniture on its way and I will assemble it alone. I will do it. I will put up shelves and pull up carpet. I will do what needs to be done. I am stronger than I thought I was.
What's become most apparent to me recently, though, is how much hubby does for us when he is here. How often I must have passed jobs on to him because I thought I couldn't do them myself. And he did them all in exchange for our smiles. And coffee. He will do anything for coffee.
So not only have I become stronger and grown up a lot, I have realised that I am one hell of a lucky girl.
Not such a bad few weeks after all.